I define as a solo person, and I am that way by my own choice.
To elaborate, I am a non-practicing heterosexual adult male, white and if you really need to pin me down a non-practicing Episcopalian as well. I also identify as a non-profit professional golfer, but that is a story of its own.
I did have relationships with some pretty, witty and highly tolerant young ladies through high school, college and into my emergence into the real world, first in Burlington, then in Canton. I include witty in my description because one of the attractive traits in a potential dating partner was the ability to converse. I include highly tolerant because once I started working full time and going to UVM full time, my free time was kind of random. It was also usually kind of late, because working for a morning paper meant a work day that started around 1 and ended anywhere from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. There were days off, but rarely on the weekend as most sporting events are on Saturday and we worked Sunday to produce the Monday edition.
Still, through all that, I had a satisfying social life in Burlington and probably should have committed to at least one relationship on a deeper basis. I have never married, but there were a couple ladies I probably should have asked. If they were smart, they would have turned me down, because I was having too much fun working to cut back on the hours and maintain the kind of relationship needed in a marriage. When they say nights and weekends in the job ads for sports information (and sports writing) positions, they mean it and if your significant other works a five-day work week, it is hard to explain why you can’t go out on a Friday or Saturday night because you have games to cover. Of course there are lulls in the job action when all kinds of free time are available…June, July and August come to mind, but the busy schedule starts in September and goes through May, sometimes into June if teams make NCAA tournaments.
I have a lot of woman friends, some of whom I still correspond with, but I haven’t really been in a dating relationship since the early 1990s. As repeated reports of sexual harassment and date rape by others kept cropping up in the news, I decided that it was just too much of a hassle to try to date. I would have nice conversations with women at the various taverns I frequented in Canton and on the road and sometimes take them out to dinner or cook dinner for them, but nothing further was asked or expected. If something sparked at some point I would have considered a regular dating relationship, but it never did.
Fortunately as a male solo person, I know my way around a kitchen, can run a vacuum cleaner and can wash dishes and do laundry. I am not great at making beds, but if it is just me, I don’t really care. I try to change the sheets regularly and straighten things out sometimes before I go to bed, but daily bed-making does not make the priority list.
I consider myself a pretty good cook and I am not afraid to experiment with new recipes. There is always ordering a pizza or making a sandwich if a culinary experiment turns into a dud. I am a steak and potatoes guy for the most part, but one of my favorite meals is Veal Marsella and I do it well. It is an entirely by memory and approximate measurement process, but it rarely turns out poorly. It is one of the meals that has to be shared and I have cooked it for RB and a group of friends on nearly an annual basis as well as cooking it for my sister Jen and her husband Jim and their kids and grandkids when the opportunity arises. I have also done veal or chicken Marsella or a combination of the two at various friends houses as part of my Meals on Wheels plan. I bring myself and the ingredients for a meal to your kitchen and you clean up after me.
While I am not in the class of my good friend Chef Bill Jennings, among the dishes I do well are twice-baked potatoes, a wild rice dish with lots of butter in it, Steak Gorgonzola, pork tenderloin, barbecued chicken filets and a variety of slightly different salads. More on kitchen adventures in a future post.
As a life-long solo person, I obviously have no children. I do, however, now live close to my niece Joie, her husband Chris and their three children, Colton, Addi and Hadley and they are frequently at the house at 45 Donaldson Road. Another nephew, Jack, and his wife Nelly also have three children, so holidays and random weekends can include a lot of kids running around. It is fun to watch their antics and when it gets a little too loud or rambunctious I can retreat to my apartment!
As a solo person there are a few things I can’t do. I had an abscess on my back which graphically pointed out that there are times when you need a support system. Fortunately since moving back to Vermont, Jenny and Jim Hubbard have been there whenever I need them and with nephew Jake and his fiancée Ashlyn also staying in the house, I have had an RN who changed the dressings on the abscess and helped interpret some of the information on MyChart as the treatment for leukemia started. I have also needed a ride to and from various surgeries or procedures and Jim, Jenny, my niece Joie and my brother John have all stepped up at one time or another to be chauffeur. I am reluctant to disrupt the daily life of others, but there are times when you just can’t do it on your own.
I like to be self-sufficient, but there were times when my back issues prevented me from doing something as simple as grocery shopping. Chiropractic care helped ease some of the problems, but I really need to do the microdiscectomy that was scheduled before the leukemia diagnosis. Hopefully that can happen this spring or early summer.
The biggest issue I have had with the leukemia so far is the shortness of breath caused by a low red blood cell count. I was frustrated and a little embarrassed when I had to stop three times and was sweating profusely on my trek from TSA to the gate in the Burlington airport. I was smart enough after that experience to use wheelchairs in both the Washington and Orlando airports. Those long rides would have been excruciating walks for me, and I tipped both of my attendants very well for their efforts. The good news is that I can drive myself to my upcoming chemotherapy sessions. Driving is not a problem for me and I hope it continues that way. I decided not to risk a drive down to New Smyrna Beach because I didn’t know what kind of stamina I had, but if I continue to feel as good as I do now, I will be able to make the drive home, perhaps with the help of Tom McDonald who has volunteered to fly down and help with the driving on the way back to Vermont. I am very blessed to have a great network of family and friends who are willing to help out when I need it.
I hope I don’t need it too often.